Paul Ryan Pulls Out The Big Guns For The U.S. Election

Paul Ryan

Vice presidential candidate, Paul Ryan, brought out the guns for the U.S. election. No, I'm not talking about weapons. I'm talking about his arms. The workout enthusiast did a photo shoot for Time displaying his toned physique, basically showing the world he is, "Too sexy for his shirt sleeves."

We know his wife certainly isn't complaining about his workouts, because, well, they're working. It could also work in catching the female vote. Sorry Ryan, but if you want to be VP, you're going to have to accept the fact the Judiciary Report is going to try to pimp you as eye candy (why Romney didn't think of it is a mystery LOL). If Obama is smart, he'll send Joe out in Speedos. Yes, a scary glimpse of the kind of campaign manager I would be (wink)...  

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JetBlue Captain Goes Berserk About Bombs During Flight And Is Restrained By Passengers

Can You Say Lawsuit

Jetblue airplane captain went AWOL during a flight from Las Vegas to New York. The captain had a mental breakdown, snapped and started screaming about bombs, terrorism and Al Qaeda, which forced the passengers to lock him out of the cockpit and restrain him, lest he accidentally crash the plane.

All I know is I could not have been on that flight. I would be so ticked. You make me late or crash the plane into the ocean, you won't have to worry about sharks or Al Qaeda, because Aisha will get you:

a.) For getting my hair wet after it took me 1 hour to blow dry and style it in the morning (as Ace Ventura would say "No one messes with the do")

b.) For getting my beloved laptop wet - another no no

c.) For getting my suede lined bag wet

News choppers flying over head would report, "An irate black woman was seen beating the captain for ruining her hairstyle, laptop and purse. She was heard yelling, 'All you had to do was fly the plane straight!' He seems to require police protection."

I'm kidding.

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Are Men The Source Of Women's Problems - A Funny Item Seems To Think So

For the record, I think men are fabulous, but I couldn't help but laugh when I read the following item on one of my friend's refrigerator and wanted to share it with you:

JUST A COINCIDENCE

I don't think so..

1.) MENstrual cramps

2.)MENtal breakdown

3.) MENopause

4.)MENtal Illness

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN

A Comedic Look At Peyton Manning Considering Denver Over Miami For His Next Career Move In Football

Some tough choices for Peyton Manning

Well, well, well! Stellar football quarterback, Peyton Manning, is considering a move to Denver over Miami. He was in Florida recently and also made his way to Denver, Colorado. The Judiciary Report was not amused with his trip to Denver, as the Dolphins in Miami would be a great choice for him, as opposed to the Broncos.

To the people of Denver reading this website, look away now, because this could get ugly! Peyton, let me talk to you for a second. Why are you thinking about picking snow over picking oranges (not a word out of the New Yorkers reading the site - zip it). Let's compare shall we:

Denver (left) vs. Miami (right)

Denver (left) vs. Miami (right)

Denver (left) vs. Miami (right)

To the people of Denver, Colorado, I'm just joking. Note to self: hire security when visiting Denver.

Funny Photos Of The Obamas That May Indicate Something About Their Sex Life

President Barack Obama

As many of you know, there's only 8-months left until the 2012 Presidential Election in the United States. Due to this fact, President Obama has been burning the midnight oil, feverishly trying to turn the U.S. economy around, to impress voters, as he wants a second term in office.

First Lady Michelle Obama

In viewing some recently taken photographs of the Obamas at a state function, which some sites are implying reveal discord between the First Couple, the Judiciary Report, being the kind and considerate website it is, decided to put some comedic captions on the photos, where the president looks tired and his wife annoyed. Has Obama been neglecting his husbandly duties in favor of working on the economy.

Obama: not tonight Michelle, I have a headache!

Michelle Obama: you better take an Aspirin if you know what's good for you!

Obama: I have taken the Aspirin, dear!

Vice President Joe Biden: don't look at me. I don't have anything to do with this!

Hillary Clinton Has Been Wearing Frau Fashions

But Who's Her Doctor Evil

Hillary Clinton

U.S. Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, who is also the wife of former President Bill Clinton, has been wearing fashion similar to the movie character Frau from the "Austin Powers" film series. Bisexual Clinton has always worn androgynous fashions.

Frau

However, Clinton has gone all the way with her latest look, sure to scare world diplomats into submission and fashion fright on sight. Look how square the outfit looks and she probably isn't wearing shoulder pads. It's all apart of her intimidation plot (LOL).

Thought Megan Fox Couldn't Take A Bad Picture, Well Guess Again!

A Funny Must Read

Megan Fox

As most of you know, Megan Fox is a beautiful actress, who is quite photogenic, known more for her looks, than her acting. But what you don't know is, as beautiful as she is, Megan has taken some jacked up pictures. Since the Judiciary Report is such a facetious supportive site when it comes to Hollywood I'm going to rip them a new one for your amusement, I've compiled a bunch of photos showing Fox looking funny, rather than foxy. Don't pretend. You know you love it.

Adam Scott: Are you sure you're Megan Fox, because you have a Jay Leno chin thing going on right now...

One word...electrocuted

If I didn't know better I'd think she was trying out for a toothpaste commercial. You've heard of "TMI" which means too much information. Now we have TMT - too much teeth.

"Jazz hands"...and "Twilight" teeth (vampire)

Not quite ready for her close up

Megan practicing to be a rapper

To borrow from the Golden Girls "You've got 'Betty Davis eyes'...and Freddy Krueger hands" (the thumb, look at the thumb!)

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Osama: Kill Obama But Biden Not So Much

Biden: Oh, so now I'm not important enough to kill!

Reports from Washington, DC indicate, terrorist Osama Bin Laden, wanted to orchestrate the killing of U.S. President, Barack Obama, but Joe Biden, not so much. Bin Laden was reportedly killed in a Navy Seal raid on his fixer upper compound in Abbottabad, Pakisan.

Osama: Joe who?

Items seized from the slain Al Qaeda terrorist's lair, revealed he sought the assassination of President Obama, labeling him a high level target, but Vice President, Joe Biden, was specifically deemed a non-crucial point of interest. I'm not gonna pretend I didn't laugh, as that was a diss.

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Harry Reid Says He Does Not Want To See Osama Corpse Photos

Harry Reid

U.S. Senator Harry Reid, a Democrat, who is seen in the recent photo posted above, after a mishap left him battered and bruised, stated to the press that he does not want to see the corpse pictures of slain Al Qaeda terrorist, Osama Bin Laden, which President Barack Obama is making available to select members of Congress. That's ironic, because could Osama really look anymore banged up than you do in that photo, Harry. Only teasing.

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Your Granny Cut The Internet

Hayastan Shakarian (Girlfriend, back away from the saw, like, yesterday). Kim Kardashian if she lives to be 75 and doesn't have a freak Botox and butt pad accident

75-year-old Armenian, Hayastan Shakarian, accidentally cut a fiber optic cable that supplied her Georgian village, Armazi, with the internet. Can you imagine if it were your grandmother that made the blunder and all the kids in the neighborhood knew she was the reason they can't play their favorite video games online (haha). Can you say "Shady Pines." Poor old lady. Everybody should give her a break (not literally). I have to be specific, because kids today will kick your butt.

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The Aflac Duck vs. The Geico Lizard

Lizard/Gecko

It is time to ponder more of the pressing, serious mysteries of life, especially those that impact the economy. If the Aflac duck and the Geico lizard got into a fight, who would win. While the Geico lizard is little, he is fast and agile, whereas the Aflac duck basically hovers. I say the lizard could get in a few punches, then run away. What was the purpose of this article, you ask? I don't know either.

Derek Rose Is A Thorn

Derek Rose

A few days ago, I misread a news headline, which I thought said Chicago Bulls’ star basketball player, Derek Rose, got arrested for DUI and thinking about the Miami Heat and the playoffs, I said yay! Turns out it was another basketball player, Jalen Rose. Wrong Rose! Got my hopes up for nothing! Sorry, it’s the playoffs and people sometimes get desperate anxious.

All this time I’ve been sitting here trying to psych out Kobe on the site, when another threat was looming, via this dude sitting right here on the East Coast shutting people down on the court. Uh, anybody know anything I can write about his mama or girlfriend? My work is never done (kidding).

Note: A bribe message to all cops, even black ones, $50 if you arrest Derek Rose for DUI DWB "driving while black" causing him to miss a playoff game. He's gonna need Obama and the Secret Service to get out of this one.

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Real Madrid Bus Runs Over Championship Trophy (LOL)

When Trophies Attack

Seeing as though Arsenal is my favorite football team, I've been laughing at the next story...a lot. Real Madrid won the Copa del Rey trophy and took it out for a spin in an open top bus, during a celebratory parade held in front of thousands of cheering people.

Ramos: Please tell me I didn't just drop the trophy...

Football player, Sergio Ramos, hoisted the trophy in the air and for a while had a pretty good grip on it. Notice I said "for a while." It wasn't long before he lost his grip on the trophy and it went tumbling down the front of the bus, landing under it.

Trophy: yes, you did...and it hurt!

The driver, not realizing what transpired, promptly crushed the trophy under the wheels of the bus. Wow, football and comedy in the same story. You can't beat that (but apparently you can drop it). As funny as this story is, I feel bad for Ramos, as it was an accident. Still, that doesn't mean I'm not laughing...hard.

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Justin Bieber Voted One Of The Most Influential People In The World, But Can You Imagine If Joe Jackson...

Were His Granddad!

Justin Bieber

17-year-old pop singer, Justin Bieber, has been voted one of the most influential people in the world. Bieber 's had a whirlwind rise to fame and fortune, earning over $100,000,000. That can buy a lot of haircuts. The young singer is currently touring Malaysia and was spotted reuniting with his girlfriend, actress, Selena Gomez, at a local airport.

The Jacksons in the 1970s

You know what I'm thinking. No, not that I'm the most humble and best blogger in the world (even though I am). Somewhere Joe Jackson is wishing that Justin Bieber were his grandson (so he could pimp him).

I saw this on a parody site and it is so wrong (LOL)

Can you imagine Joe Jackson running after Justin Bieber with a belt like in the movie. Joe would be yelling at Justin, "Pick up that brick...now put it down!" "go break a switch off that tree" "go practice your turns and tossing your hair in the mirror for an hour...and don't touch my guitar!" I'm just playing Joe - don't get mad (translation: I don't want the belt either).

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Wouldn't It Be Funny If Megan Fox Crashed The Transformers 3 Premiere

I Only Write That Because I Care (Grin)

Megan Fox: I could totally stab her with my stiletto

Wouldn't it be funny if Megan Fox crashed the "Transformers 3" movie premiere after being fired as the star of the films. Seriously, show of hands, who wouldn't want to see that. It would be hilarious to witness Fox pulling a Britney Spears, ranting, raving and flipping out, whilst yelling at her replacement Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: Hehe, I still have your job...and your clothes (costumes)

However, the film series' director, Michael Bay, will probably have a lot of security at the event, scuppering what would be pure hilarity and hits for bloggers. $20 to the first guard that let's Megan past security at the premiere (yea, I'm rich like that).

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This Is What TSA Does To People

Selena Gomez

Teen actress and singer, Selena Gomez, was spotted rolling through TSA (Transportation Security Administration) at the Los Angeles International Airport, looking like she was ready to beat somebody. The 18-year-old, much like many Americans, isn't fond of airport groping screenings, but sadly, they are routine, due to terrorism. Thanks a lot Osama (sarcasm).

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Now This Is Just Plain Child Abuse (Baby Mullet)

The 80s were so wrong

While cruising the internet, looking for awkward and painful stories of the dysfunction and idiocy that plagues celebrities, to write about them for your amusement, the Judiciary Report was accosted by the photo posted above, featuring a family sporting 1980s styled mullet hairdos. Oh, the mullet was vicious.

The Judiciary Report adored the 1980s, as they were a fun time. However, some hairstyles and fashion trends that sprang from that decade are cringe inducing. Take the mullet photo for example. That poor little girl was mulleted by her parents and is now a viral photo on the internet, provoking laughter and giggles from many. In short, it was child abuse and I think she has a good legal case against them (kidding).

Thousands Of Dead Birds In Arkansas = Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton

Thousands of dead birds have mysteriously fallen from the sky in former U.S. President Bill Clinton's home state of Arkansas. Scientists don't know what to make of it, but I do. Now pay attention closely. You know Clinton A/K/A "Bubba" who is white, is considered the first black President of the United States, due to his negro-like behavior (playing the saxophone, eating at McDonalds...a lot and opening an office in Harlem).

http://www.hulu.com/watch/4169/saturday-night-live-clinton-at-mcdonalds

You also know black people love chicken (white people reading the site, don’t repeat that joke). So, maybe Bubba got a little peckish and wanted a snack. Either that or another Arkansas institution, Wal-Mart, is having a sale on chicken (their prices are suspiciously low). I hope I've clarified this environmental mystery for you. You're welcome. Do you see what happens when you open your mind.

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Oprah Winfrey v. Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin (second from the left) and Oprah Winfrey (second from the right)

Two of America's most famous women are engaged in another war of words. Talk show host, Oprah Winfrey, also known as "The O" issued a verbal slap to former and future White House candidate, Sarah "I have a gun" Palin.

Oprah to Sarah: I think I can take you in a fight

When interviewed by Parade and informed of Palin's possible plan to run for the post of President of the United States, Winfrey stated of the be-gunned one, "It does not scare me because I believe in the intelligence of the American public."

Sarah: don't go there girlfriend

It's on like Donkey Kong. Seriously, who would win in a fight between Winfrey and Palin? There's the angry black woman factor working in Winfrey's favor. But but there is also something to be said for the skinny white woman with a gun factor. I'm just teasing regarding both.

The Miami Heat Wins 10 Games In A Row

Miami Heat's Lebron James

The reenergized NBA basketball team, the Miami Heat, has silenced doubters by winning 10 games in a row. The feat was accomplished against the Cleveland Cavaliers, a team new signing, Lebron James played for before signing with the Heat. Congrats to the Heat.

Dywane Wade and Kobe Bryant (Zimbio)

In another great match up, the Heat are scheduled to play the Los Angeles Lakers next week, led by Championship ring hogger, Kobe Bryant. Dude, you don't need that many Championship rings. Give one to charity, namely me. I'd sell it on E-Bay faster than he can say "Shaq."